Mother Earth Vomits Up Humanity . . .

2009 Nobel Prize for Satanic Studies
For International Discord --
*
Awarded To Scooter Libby
For First Degree Treason
Punishable By Execution
By Firing Squad (US Army)
*
After The Crucifixion of
*
Dickhead Cheney
Donald Scumsfeld
George w Swoosh
Jackoff Abramoff
Tom Delay Prison
Condomsleeva Rice
Catjew Booty Giuliani
Larry Silverslime
Michael Skirtoff
Henry Kissagerm
Michael Spookasey
Dov Zakheim Mastermind
*
The Dirty Dozen of
Debauched Humanity

Don't Show Doubt or Uncertainty . . .

... Do Not Show or Express
Doubt or Uncertainty and do not mention
Inadequate (or unavailable) resources

Because THAT may make YOU look like the
Cause of the problem (inadequacy or indifference)
Or at least it will draw more attention to you
As The one to take the blame

For those trying to suck the 'para' out of your 'site'
Rather than implying (verbally or electronically)
rejection/abandonment
Merely appear to be unavailable!
*
If you're a person who likes to start confrontations
Maybe you should consider discontinuing that practice

Sigmond Twayne
Wiser Than A Hoot Owl

I'm Trying To Get Civilized . . .

... by Not wanting to marry every
beautiful young woman I meet
*
Let's start with Orchid O'Hara --
We'll do the "5" Plan:
*
5 weeks of blissful romance
and then we'll decide
whether to continue ...
*
for 5 months ...
and then we'll decide whether
{or forever} to continue ...
*
for 5 years ...

Yours Truly,
Pen is in Paris

The Hollywood Argyle . . .

Sigmond Twayne The Mayor of Hollywood & Argyle
*
24 hours is a long distance run ...
Get at least 0 hours of sleep ...
Watching all these greyhounds
Trotting up the sidewalk in their
Black stretch pants & black stilettoes ...
*
I've developed a character
So strong and so long (it's got legs)
That it's become thematic of the fabric
of the modern entertainment media

Sigmond Twayne ~..~
Mayor of Hollywood & Argyle
East -- or West to Malibu and
North to Marin and Sonoma

EMA -- Extremely Mentally Active ~>

[And Dick Only does 10% of the work]
Sleeping-Dreaming or Awake.
.
Create a new (different) version of what
You've been doing (making) All Along! ...
.
THAT will keep you out of the nutty house
(depression-alienation)
.
Run Not from your past
But Toward your future
.
You can TELL when a person
is struggling for self-acceptance
(to establish calm, available attention)
.
Next subject:
"I like you and I totally accept you"
is much better than
"I love you"
(implies dependency)
.
Next subject?
*
Sigmond Twayne Wordsmith
Phil Psychologist <> psy philosopher

Knock On My Door . . .

Knock on my door, ring me up
Or just knock me up!
-
A cigarette a Day keeps the
Smug self-righteousness Away
-
We all play off of signals from one another.
Have you ever thought of yourself as
a traffic light? -- Well, You Are.
-
Gauging by the expanding girth of my belly
I'd say I'm for liquofood self-indulgence 24/7
-
Jumbo's is the easiest hole to fall back into
If your money is short and your dick is long
-
"Live Cattle, Lean Hogs and Coffee"
(a punch line without an antecedent)
-
If you're a hornytoad like me
You may want to peek at
-
Warning: My mind is like a roller coaster
>>>>>>> And sometimes it goes off the track

What A Messed-Up Species We Are . . .

... Hemming and hawing about the
Air temperature going Up and Down
Like somehow this is an eternally new experience.

Federal agents could
Stop going after mellow delta9
But go after superfluous champagne
And dump it all down the drain
{so it don't drown our brain}

The bonds of marriage are the USB cable
Of freely shared communication
Among man, woman & machine

Skirts & Parachutes ^ ^

Skirts -- as opposed to pants -- are
To keep the thighs snugly together --
While every passing male can't help
But think about prying them APART!
-
With tender kisses to Start
Followed by heavy lumberjacking
-
And speaking of woodybats & hardballs,
The surface of a Major League baseball
is virtually the same as a human scalp!
Go Figure!!
-
"Awareness" implies being the recipient of reality
"Consciousness" implies being reality itself
-
"What Color Is Your Casket?"
The new #1 bestseller sequel to
"What Color Is Your Rubber?"
(er, i mean, your "Parachute")

Not Guilty!

Do you sometimes feel guilty
For your own existence on earth?
-
Don't Do That!*
-
What's actually happening is
You're worn or fatigued and
You need to take a nap -- or
Do a bowl -- whichever comes first
-
*We are semi-programmed from pre-birth
So alot of our behavior is technically
Not the fault of our own conscious minds

Can't Sleep beyond 3 AM? . . .

Get Up, Stand Up
Turn on Coast To Coast AM (640 in L.A.)
Turn on Your Mind with Delta9
Light The Candles, Get Out The Pictures
Stretch your muscles, massage your wackadoodle

Work Done by 9 AM:

Write your daily blog
Type it onto the blogspot by 9 AM

Drive: Observatory to Malibu
Paradise Cove to El Matador
Taverna Tony, Nicole, Renette
Spruzzo Natasha & Bartender
Duke's servers & bartenders

Are You With Me?

Sigmond Twayne
Host - Travelguide - Photographer

Freudian Psychology . . .

Men, someone should play with
Your peenie-weenie everyday
let's say around 9 AM to 1 PM --

It's your Gawd-given right
as a genuine Prick of The Earth!

Remember: If you die unexpectedly --
> > > > > > > Recycle Yourself Promptly

KSWD-FM --
Kiss Single White Dancer-Fornicating Mistress

Life in Malibu --
Lately, it's been expensive AND Fattening:)
As in Friar Tuck on the beach at Geoffrey's
With an 18 year old Hawaiian Tuck! ~..~

PUT DOWN THE SPICES, BOYS!
This Is (she be) the perfect stimulant

Happiness & Gluttony
& Then Ya Gawtta Pee

Hard Blunt Romance

The statement,
"I will always love you" actually means
I WANT to always love you but
~..~
We have no way of knowing how,
How much or for whom we
Will feel in the future.

Honesty Blunts by
Sigmond Twayne
{enjoy one daily}

Un-Moosh These Thoughts . . .

Do you have your WHOLE
Social Life On That Phone?!

Play along with us now -- The Chivas will
Erase your memory by tomorrow morning

Life is a cruise ship --
You need to reserve your cabin

This falafel is Dry enough
To suck a camel's breast

Your vagina is perfect for our
Imagination (lustful inspiration)

Your friends may chide you for talking too much but
THAT may be your ticket to Jim Carreylike stardom

If you are close to death
You may visit Jumbo's Clown Room --
Hospice for the terminally horny

The S.A.T. Now Requires a book review of
"Sigmond Twayne's Mental Cookbook"

Promoting Fun For The Public . . .

My life is now geared and engineered
To promote fun for the public masses
And careers for private individuals

Consultations are complimentary
And the romances are skintillating

Sigmond Twayne
Now cruising at 133 MPH (5300 rpm)}
With 600 horses rollin' 4 black marshwheelows

This message was brought to you by
"Cougars, Vipers & Gold" now on sale

"Vitamins & cigarettes may
Not be such a bad combination"

Bohemian New Age Lunch . . .

by Sigmond Twayne
{the 99 cent Chef}

(naturally by this time u should've already
imbibed the delta 9 mind enhancement)

Country Fresh Farm Fresh Dairy Fresh
Read, Heed, Heat & Eat:

a) salted peanuts 1 oz. {appeteaser}
1) Mariners Cove New England Clam Chowder
2) plus equal amount of milk
3) Bob's Red Mill Flaxseed 4 tablespoons
4) one small red tomato sliced into 16 equal parts
5) one white mushroom " " " " "
6) Farmer John Clove Spice
** 1.5 oz. smoked ham in 16 pieces
7) Karl Strauss Amber Lager foam 1 oz.
***** Boil and Serve! *****
a burnt tongue on This stuff is such sweet torture

Dessert:
*Fish steaks in Louisiana hot sauce
*Farmer John Braunschweiger 1 healthy chunk
*One badass cigarette
*And full bottles of Karl Strauss Amber Lager {^}
Until your lady drags your clothes right off your bones
{all the better to JUMP THEM}

{^} A Munich pub-style lager with a rich
Caramel maltiness balanced by a clean, smooth finish

And Now For Some After Lunch Halloweenings:

"50 Ways To Cleave Your Lover"

Chop him up into 50 pieces and
Fedex one piece to each of the
50 States (of retribution)

Creedence Clearwater Revolver
Says that Jay Leno is a Pussywinkle
(pussier than a pussywillow)

Who SAID heaven doesn't stretch from
Boulder to Sierra Madre to Malibu?!
with foxsmart Randi Rhodes
Blowing reality in your face on 1150 AM

I love my well-styled life
And you should copy me

Emotional Roller Coaster . . .

(Hollywood Style)
Been There, Done That!

... but I think I'm more in love with You
Than with all these other pretty faces --
polished to a glow and a
Sheen that gives my plumper a Charley horse

{romantic scenes so bright and yet
So ephemeral, they may as well be a dream --
I'm Not going back into that beehive of beauties
And viagaric vipers}

Sigmond Twayne
Divining Reality

Pure Transfer of Energy

October 13, 2009
A Day for the Record Books

1) Surreal photography of the
Massive clumps of yellow leaves and
Paths of pink petals on the foggy-rainy
Mountain forest trails of Sierra Madre

2) Proceeding to donate brain to UCLA Neurological
And make family tribute in stone to be placed at
Grandfather's site in PA

3) In double girl-boy triangle at L.A.'s finest club Cheetahs
Here's the triangle Transfer of Energy:

Christine Feb 3 Phx -> Anna L. -> Anna Feb 3 Scottsdale

Head & Heart

When a man is so impressed by a woman he just met
That he feels the desire to marry her that first night
But NOT have sex 'cuz it's WAY Too Soon For That!

The Head says it's too soon
But the Heart would not resist
(the urge to merge)

We are all role-playing atoms and
Sooner or later we learn to roll with it
("it" being interactive relationships, boats & canoes)

Many couples are engaged but haven't set the date --
I've set the date but haven't yet met the mate

Anonymous Wedding:
I.B. 'X' <~..~> U.B. 'Y'

When someone insists on seeing your apartment,
(S)he is deeply curious about your eccentricities

Heaven Is A Flimsy Concept . . .

... To The Mortal Man.

Here's what actually happens
(after years of relationshipbuilding) ...

Every woman who's ever taken likin' to ya
Will converge upon you
At that primordial synergistic moment
In which powerful jets of romantic fluids
Beam upward like fireworks
Satisfying every woman
Who's ever taken a likin' to ya

Sigmond Twayne
Power Poet with a Vision

P.S. When a camel dies, only his head & neck go to heaven

Candid Candidacy . . .

Candidacy -- the act of being candid

Q. If I were not allowed to read your answer,
How Would You Describe Me?!
Please tell others (but not me)

Sigmond Twayne
Facing The Music
MarQuet Research Q Factor

[perhaps THIS will help you skew your answer:
{and Skew It Hard!}

At this juncture, Sigmond Twayne has
Five new love notes written (complimentary messages)
To five women (4 Hollywood debs and 1 Phx F43 {+ M14})

Or THIS: Walking downstairs naked, high and unwiped
Is the child's pleasure that some of you are no longer having

Or This final turdbit:

Being 2 minutes early is far better than
Being 2 Seconds Late!
(for Any visual display)

Sigmond Twayne
Art Institute of CA San Francisco
October 2009

PSAR:
Post Script Addendum Rider --
Do you ever feel Too Healthy
To take your frickin' Vitamins?!

Have You Yet Dipped . . .

... Cranberried Turkey bitesizes into Hummus?

{with cayenned Mustard eggs for dessert}

Well Let's Get With The Program!

The Program will be beamed into your
Consciousness once every 24 hours

I am here to enjoy your house so
Its full value is realized and lived out

Sigmond Twayne
Just Here To Help

Running The Program . . .

Here's The Program:

Meet your new permanent lover in Phoenix --
Then go to the spy plane pilots reunion at the
Museum of Atomic Testing in Las Vegas --

Make a late shift medweed run
Fortified with Del Taco
In southwestern Hollywood

Then get Alicia on board (on a sail board)
as Miss Surf World 2010 ~
Spokesmodel for the water sports industry
In Her signature Statue of Liberty suspension gown --

Meet the new girls (Alina & Robin)
Then do the French Drip at Freds 62
With undercover sexy scientist Talia

This is the dream that never ends
But now I have the endurance for it

We are each an atom circulating our
Incredible beauty:) powerfully attractive
In one another's eyes ~..~
Essentially daring genitalia to keep up the pace
With our lofty and noble artistic progression

Sigmond Twayne
Lubrication for the mind

126 Hooks Up With 221 . . .

... and it's not just the physical stuff
That feels so fine -->)
It's making that special human connection:
The Spirituosocial collaboration >->
She's going to be a rap star!

Then there's Jennifer
Red fingernails, curly gold bracelet
And the cutest face

And then Along Comes Mary
Theater Grad Student
Who runs the local hostel

So we go from rough to cute to classy

Jump ahead a half hour ...
{Valerie} Christine
Flight attendant dental hygienist
Whose Corvette dealer, future ex-boyfriend
Isn't taking the bus to see her here at the bar

Foxy Christy is a SCEU --
Self Contained Entertainment Unit
She's a 'rough & tumble' comedienne in a box

Seems like the 4th time is the charm:
221, Jennifer, Mary, Christine=Charm

"And The Reason Is NOT You"

The reason that most women won't marry me
AND bosses won't hire me is that
I AM My Own Boss
And they hate being shut out
Of the decision making process

And they're not particularly keen with
My perfectly articulated and enunciated
360 words per minute

There's No Higher Heaven . . .

... Than getting on the track
Early in the morning
(with perception freshly enhanced)
and lettin' 'er purr at ninety

{After decades of rough-tuning and
The last ten years fine-tuning my life,
Pretty much everything I do
Is a heavenly experience}

Bringin' 'er down from 90 to 60 in 5 seconds
In deference to the 'Smokey'
Parked in the center island
Just adds to the exciting ambience
Of high speed motion
(168 miles in the 1st 2 hours)

Black Chevy & Nissan pick-ups
Make great pace cars
(I'll go with the faster one)
The Corvette & the motorcycle:
Also fine pace cars

Another aspect of heaven is that
I live about a mile from the I-5 highway
so I can pit stop in my apartment for 5 minutes
in the middle of a ten-hour drive from
San Francisco to Phoenix
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
This 8-minute blog
Is brought to you by

Sigmond Twayne
M.C. O'Heaven