Even Heaven Doesn't Have . . .

... THIS Kind of Programming --

Anchor Steam from Kiersten at 1739PH
Black Bear Byron Backingup Bartenders
Library Internet & Printer at Hillhurst & Franklin
Rustic Inn Still The One Dark Cave Glowing
With the Energy of Its Illustrious Patrons

Sex is OK aslongas everygirl
Wantsto doit withyou allthetime

Take the subway down Broadway
from Columbia to Houston St.

Pardon me ~>
My dream is pullingme all the way in ....

Ring - Ring! ........ Ring - Ring!

"Woodya like ta get married in Switzerlin?

"Who's Calling?"

"Oh, it's me, Sigmond Twayne
Lovin' Switzerland, Hamsterdam & San Frangelisco
Let's Go Trippin' "

Bring Everything butt your inhibitions

Music Appreciation:
Every song is a 'musical' but
"Papa Was A Rolling Stone"
Is A Theatrical Masterpiece

Sigmond Twayne Franklin
Photopirate of Vermont

Existential Challenge:
Smokers: Could you NOT smoke for six hours
If there were sex on the other side of the six?

Six-Liner P.S.

P.S. -- Pre Script

Heaven is a
Personality test.
Stay functional
On alcohol only
You may eat later
After 2 AM
[you can have an ounce
of Doritos at 10:30 PM]

......... but you ARE such a grown-up
That's why I've always liked you
You're an upper class woman and
I'd like to move up into your class
and taste the sweetness of yoass

Permission Granted,

Sigmond Twayne
Grant's Tomb
120th & Broadway
New York, NY
(212) NEW LOVE

Today's Wordplay:
word devolvement -- spark > sparkle > sparkles >
sparkless = dead, not sparking or sparkling!

Playboy Advisor:
Don't be a lumberjackass

How To Navigate The Globe . . . . . . .

....... when you're fucking hard
You have to go one way or another
North, south, east, west, up, down, in-out> AND
Decide how fast and how long for each segment!
Oy Vay!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I am feeling a full universal backflight--
That means focusing momentarily
On the coolest moments of your
Vivid childhood (toys, trees, boyds & bees,
Pumpkin frost & sleigh riding (with the town whore)

Scout camp -- cinnamon, sage & flaxseed
Bang A Gong!
With Mustard and Catalina dressing

I have taken my childhood all the way with me
To seniority -- You should SEE my apartment!
A Hoot & A Howl

TakeOut For The Mind:
http://sigtwayne.com/

The most influential new force on planet E
Since the Bushmen went underground

Masturbating: Raping The Dick!
Early & Often

Perfectique . . .

I wouldn't want to be any more
Or Any Less drunk than iam rightnow ...

I'm a thought teacher--
I teach people how to think so that
They don't screw up the rest of their lives

I'll marry your career
Be co-manager of it with you

Questions About Anything?

e-mail me at sigmondtwayne@juno.com

Personal Note:
As god is Blowing Up the Balloon we call the Universe
I too enjoy the plumping feeling of my expanding spheroid

Even The Kings envy the entertainers

Now I'm "down with" the new one:
Deandrathal Dewonderfal--
But That's not saying much
Anyone within sixteen feet of her
Would be in love with her

Time Does NOT Heal All Wounds . . .

If they kill you, HOW are you going to heal?!
(If their actions are so devastatingly destructive
as to be a spiritual homocide)

They demand to be abanonded and So They Are!
(because if they feel "you" have made them feel useless
Then their reaction will be to make you feel useless)

and Then you can forgive the person
for their pathetic helpless malice
But dismiss them permanently from your life

When the subject feels (s)he is being abandoned
(s)he will attack to destroy the abandoner
before or while the abandonment has been executed

There's no reason to give them a second chance
because they've Already Done It
Thus denying themselves the access to--
And privilege of--your personality

and don't remind yourself of those whom
You are trying to forget -- You don't want
To be around that kind of trash Anyway!

Smoking To Live Or To Die

If you're smoking because you HAVE to, you're doomed
But if you're just smoking
In front of the bar with the guys (and the girls)
You have a sweet life

Wilt The Stilt Will Wilt

Wilt Chamberlain claimed he had 20,000 women
(that's 2 women a day for 27 years)
I may not make it to 2000 by 2020!

Don't "hate" me because I'm cocky
But love me because I'm a crack-up.

Coming Soon: Nude Blog Parties

Mickey & Roger OR A-Rod & Manny Rammy

I'm from the classic era of Baseball --
Late 50's NY Yankees -- Mantle, Maris, etc.

Nowadays it's just drugs and long hair --
Steroids, I mean, Not cocaine or crack --
That's what they use AFTER the game

It's Not the Seven Deadly Sins --
It's the 7 party favors

Sig Twayne Only "Dates" Models . . .

... carbondates them (to be exact)
And carbonates them in the sack

Now back to the future
Sig has three girls In One Room:
Aelischiae Blondshell, Sarah Pole Instructor
And The Egyptian Goddess

Lifestyle Note:
Sig gets up at 11
11 PM (sleeps 7 to 11 PM)

Tisha Barley Hops!

If this were an alternative universe (alt.reality)
I'd have an affair with her
But as far as I know
This the same (so far) universe I met her in

Now I remember why I like her: She's an Abbott!

Can you be theatrical with me for a moment?
If I told you, "I think I'm in love with you"
What would you do with me?

Phyllis Philistine

About my best friend (pseudomom) Phyllis:
I wouldn't say she's a wet blanket
Just damp, not even moist
(id like to watch her come)
But she's the most absorptive listener
I've ever had the luxury of having

The Real Meaning of Heaven & Hell

The Catholican Church says that the
Worst part of Hell is NOT the "physical" pain
But just being 86'd by "God"
(not being able to see His Face)
{Perish The Thought!}
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Now let's be realistic --

The worst part of life is
Being (professionally & socially) excommunicated
By the one person you actually liked
for trying to help you
(out of your misery)

But "water seeks its own level" and
Fools descend into the pool of self-demotion --

Being weaned from receiving
daily 1 or 2 messages (blogs) to
NO messages a day, a week, a month, etc.

And then on the other hand, I have groupies now
It's weird -- guys without jobs or a clue

Filing Systems L & R

L & R = Left & Right
Left Brain Filing System:
Alphabetical, Numerical, Chronological

Right Brain Filing System:
Let things gravitate as they will
Then learn Where everything is

The Sevens --
7 blogs this 1st day of my new blog

2 x 7 = 14 miles from Occidental to PCH (1)
6 x 7 = 42 miles from Ford-Freestone (Bodega Hwy)
------- to Port Reyes / Sir Frances Drake Blvd
8 x 7 = 56 miles from Occidental to Olema
10x 7 = 70 days from July 15 to September 23 --
------- Awake 35 hours on the 1st day of
------- my 24 day trip starting July 15th and then
------- Awake 31 hours on the 1st day of my two-
------- nighter in San Francisco, September 23

Wanna Heara Rant?

Fool Me Once ..... Won't Get Fooled Again!
-
Vengeful vindictive nefarious little shits
-
It Helps to identify and avoid these
Angry ingrate socially destructive brats
-
Smutty foulmouthed snively little imp bastard
Disgusting dirtbag sleuth and slimey evil snot
-
Combative dickhead punk thug,
Ratfink turdface defecto psycho
Stinky skunk runt varmint jackass
And super sensitive little freak
Havin' another smarmy weasel hissy fit
AKA treacherous temper tantrum
-
Poor miserable wretch sneaky snake
that steals your toys to sell them back to you
And then describes this as 'frienship.'
-
When they design & build something for you
They Shouldn't Take It Back as a hostage
(to meet their pathetic delusional demands)
-
The power to destroy is a pretty lame power
Even the Reptilian brain is Not as
Inept as this prodigal parasite
-
Despicable Character Trait:
Talent & Creativity are worthless if coming from
An uncouth slob & shifty hustler backstabbing jerk
Who needs psychiatric treatment OR A new mommy
-
Final Thought:
Do You ACTUALLY Have To Be SUCH A Stinker?

[Editor's Note: Writing a piece like this is like
Blowing chunks (of vomit) -- very fulfilling in a
Reverse peristalsis sort of way]

Fake Your Own Death . . .

... Stop writing your blog ...

So, the last blog on the old blog address
Says that I'm driving around in the coastal fog
And being with hookers in San Francisco!

That's o.k. I can go with that image.

~~ Style Completely ~~

I love my new style so completely that other
People are merely accessories to my happiness

Sometimes it's right to yield (allow) a lead change
To let the other fast person lead for awhile --
Doin' 53 on a 35 tight-curves road
At 7 AM -- is one cool ride!

Sometimes you have to arrest your speed abruptly
With some tire chirpin' n' hoppin'

Dreaming is Driving the Coastal Fog
(hard, fast & effortless)
with theMellow sounds of KJZY-FM

It is so thickly foggy that
you can't see the ocean from the coast

When people say, "Going up to heaven"
they're meaning, "going up to Marin"

Wave at {some} people as you drive by
It'll either make you laugh or make you cry
(depending on how much pot you smoked)

Time does disappear
after all the distances
become perfectly clear